Rejection #7

I received a nicely worded rejection from Hollins University this morning. I'm bummed, but I figured it was coming. And as I have decided to reject my admission from Baltimore, my last remaining hope is my wait-list position at George Mason. And I think... I *think*... it just might turn out okay :) Patience.

Semi-rejection and God Things

Having not heard back from Arkansas, Baltimore, Hollins and Notre Dame, I figured it must be time to get into contact with the 2 schools who have wait-listed me to see how things are moving.

First, George Mason University - The woman I spoke with was very kind, but had no new information and asked that I call back at the end of the week, as there should be more news.

Second, University of North Carolina at Wilmington - I have been in email contact with a woman named Lavonne and she informed me about two weeks ago that she would notify me if there were any changes. I got fidgety, so I emailed her to see if there was any movement on the wait-list, and she promptly emailed me back to let me know it is highly unlikely that an offer of admission will be extended to me, as the group of students who have been admitted seem happy to accept, and I am nowhere near the front of the wait-list. 

I hate rejection. I realize that everyone hates that feeling, so saying "I hate rejection" is like saying "I hate getting punched in the face" - it's pretty much just a given. But the amount of rejection I am getting is overwhelming. And it doesn't help that my boyfriend tells me "I know how you feel" because he has been rejected by girls before. I'm sorry, but this is not the same thing, and he does NOT know how I feel. With relationships, it's a quick pain (or maybe a long one) but it's one time. These girls weren't then showing up at his door saying they weren't interested a few days later, only to remind him of the hurt.

I am getting rejection letters and "we think you have promise, but not as much as all these other people" letters. I have received 3 rejections (now 4, practically) and 1 wait-list.

I WANT GOOD NEWS! I NEED GOOD NEWS! I don't want to sit in this funk anymore... this dreadful grey area... like I have an inability to see the good in anything good. I try to be positive and believe that everything will work out, but it's so hard. And I hate when people say, "If you trust in the Lord there is nothing to worry about." That's bullshit. Of course I trust God for my future. Of course I have faith. But that doesn't mean I can't be pissed off or upset or depressed or feel rejected or worried because I don't know what to do next. I'm not just going to pretend to be happy and "joyful in the Lord" to make all my Christian friends happy. And I'm not going to sit on my ass and not make any decisions because "God is in control." 

Like I said, I don't want to sit in this funk anymore.

Columbia and the Smoking Hiatus

I received yet another rejection last night. Columbia College Chicago has officially declared my writing less than worthy of their MFA in Fiction Writing program. I realize that my ultimate goal revolves around teaching Memoir, Non-Fiction, Autobiography, etc, but the MFA at Columbia has a dual degree option, combining an MFA in Fiction Writing with an MA in Teaching Writing. It was such a beautiful idea. And now it is gone. I thought the rejections would get easier as they came, but of course that was a lofty ideal. The sting is just as sharp.

This news brings my current status to Rejections-2, Wait-Lists-2, No Word-5. Bleh. And still no word from Notre Dame. Patience.

The sadness I felt from hearing the rejection letter as Danny read it to me over the phone could only be cured by experiencing true joy, in it's purest of forms. By this I mean (drum roll) a trip to In-N-Out. Yes, I know... what about the diet? Er, excuse me... life-style change? I figured I deserved a break from all of the rejection, and In-N-Out is the best place to take a break. Of course, Danny and I agreed to roll our fat asses out of bed this morning and hit the gym to ease the damage. After 1 hour of cardio and ab workouts, I felt like I was going to hack my brains out from all the coughing.

Hence, the reference to smoking in the title. Yes, my dear friends and creepy stalker readers, it is that time. As much as I enjoy sucking in the warm taste of tobacco and feeling the rush of nicotine-ey goodness, I have decided to take a smoking hiatus. If I really want to lose weight... If I want to be able to get out of bed in the morning and not feel like the King of Nasal Problems is wrapping himself around my face... I need to call it quits. I am not promising forever - just 30 days. I figure if I allow myself the idea that I can smoke again one day, it might be a little easier than the word FOREVER, which drives me insane. But the true hope is that when I wake up on April 11th I will think to myself, "maybe just one more day."

Wait-List #2 + Fun Trip Things!!!

I broke down yesterday and called all of the schools I have yet to hear from. I felt it was my right as an applicant not to have a hernia over waiting. Here is what I was told:

Arizona: no admissions decisions for creative non-fiction have been sent out (yay!)

Baltimore: no admissions decisions have been made (double yay!)

Columbia: some admissions decisions have been sent out, but not all (not as big of a yay, but still good)

George Mason: wait-listed and midway on the list, meaning i have a 25-30% chance of getting in... the email was sent to the wrong address (awesome!)

Hollins: no admissions decisions have been made (cool!)

Notre Dame: no admissions decisions for prose have been made (BEST NEWS EVER!!!)

So I can breathe now, knowing I haven't been completely rejected. And now I still have hope for Notre Dame!! FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Also on the "news" front - Danny and I have purchased tickets to visit our friends Tucker and Amanda in South Carolina during the first week of May! We are so excited. Tucker and Amanda are two really great people. We can't wait to see them and experience Charleston and Myrtle Beach. And what is also pretty great is that if I end up getting admitted to any of the above schools, we are taking a long enough trip that I could fly to visit one of them one day while we are out there! So much fun!

New News

So I may have spoken too quickly the other day. It looks like the University of Arizona has not yet notified any fiction/non fiction applications of acceptances as of yet. Sad new though: Notre Dame notified their acceptances yesterday. So here are the stats as of now:

University of North Carolina-Wilmington (waitlisted)

Hunter College (rejected)

Columbia College Chicago (assumed rejection)

George Mason University (assumed rejection)

University of Arkansas (assumed rejection)

University of Notre Dame (assumed rejection)

Hollins University

University of Arizona

University of Baltimore

I have officially decided that if I do not get in anywhere, I will take a deep breath, keep writing and apply again next year.

Application Status

As someone who has been obsessing over Driftless House and Poets and Writers Speakeasy forums, I have gotten a brutal dose of reality. My top choice schools have already dished out what I can assume is most of their acceptances. Here is where I currently stand:

University of North Carolina-Wilmington (waitlisted)

Hunter College (rejected)

Columbia College Chicago (assumed rejection)

George Mason University (assumed rejection)

University of Arizona (assumed rejection)

University of Arkansas (assumed rejection)

Hollins University

University of Baltimore

University of Notre Dame

The final 3 on the list are the only schools who have yet to send out any acceptances. Thank God one of them is my top choice. I really hope I end up lucky on this one....

The Waiting Game

The University of North Carolina-Wilmington sent me a pleasant email letting me know I am on the wait-list. It is better than the rejection I received from Hunter College, of course, but it still doesn't provide me with any answers.

This in-between feeling I am experiencing right now is so frustrating. I don't know where my life is headed, if it's headed anywhere at all. Even the school who has provided me with something other than a rejection has not given me any insight as to what my future may hold.

Looks like the waiting game is all that's out there for me right now.