It's Quite Amazing, Really.

It’s quite amazing, really, when you see God bless your choices. Or at least not smite you for taking the path you have chosen to walk hahaha.

Before Christmas, I was looking towards my future – towards whatever it is that God has planned for me during this next year – and I nearly died… twice! I was so freaked out about graduation and grad school, living situations and getting a job.

But I think, I just might have calmed down a little bit.

I got a call from Todd a few weeks ago asking me to rejoin the youth staff at the church I used to work with. I used to work on the high school staff with some of the most amazing kids I have ever met in my life, and a large reason they asked me to take a break was because of my involvement with ReGeneration (they believed it to be a conflict of interest – which makes no sense since we are all working for the same team). But now I get to go back. I get to spend time with my girls. I get to work in another ministry. And I couldn’t be happier.

AND…I got a job the other day. I feel more complete when I have a job. I feel like I am accomplishing something. I am the new Saluda – a fancy word for host – at the Macaroni Grill in Arcadia. And even though my job isn’t super important to world… even though standing in the front and welcoming people isn’t the most amazing thing I could be doing with my life… it is still exciting, somehow.

God put some fancy footwork out there for me. He got me that job in two days. I went in, applied, took a test, had an interview and went back for another interview the next day and got the job. I don’t care whether or not they were desperate for anyone to fill the position, or whether they didn’t even really need anyone but felt sorry for me, I got the job right after I got back to APU.

I started feeling really guilty about not working for the Clause last Thursday. I found out a guy I know is the new advisor, now that Karen has thankfully left, and I am really bummed about not being a writing coach. I cried really hard that night. I felt emotionally unstable and extremely upset. So I began praying that God would guide and protect Karen as she works in Lithuania, and that He would bless Tim as he takes on the mountainous job of Clause advisor with no prior experience. I prayed for a young woman I was never able to truly get along with last semester, and I prayed for the new EiC and that she would soar above and beyond anything the school has ever seen.

Suddenly, I felt at peace and I drifted off to sleep.

The next day I got a job and felt really good about it. I am not exactly sure how the two are intertwined, and when I think about the fact that I am not going to be working with my younger writers this semester I get a little emotional because I just love them so damn much. But then I am reminded of God’s grace, and His ability to work in my life no matter how badly I screw it up. I am reminded of the people in my life that I am blessed with – my people. My loves. And then I remind myself that God placed me back in the youth group, and helped me get a job when I needed one.

What an amazing savior.

A Ministers Heart

Last Sunday, I went back to visit the youth group that I used to volunteer for. One of my girls walked into the room crying. When I asked her if she wanted to talk, we walked into the hallway where she revealed to me that she cuts herself and that she wants to stop but doesn’t know how.

I realized in that moment where my heart is. What God has gifted me with is a heart for ministry and serving others, something that I rejected sophomore year when I changed out of my youth ministry major because I was afraid of what would happen if I changed my mind after I graduated, something I almost regret doing.

I sat on the curb last night with a friend of mine. I was basically blubbering out all of the stuff going on in my life and said “It would be so much easier if I just felt called to work at Albertson’s.” He laughed and replied, “But you’re not. And if you did just decide to work there, you wouldn’t be satisfied. You have a minister’s heart.”

A few weeks ago, I figured out what I want to do when I graduate. I want to get my masters in college student affairs and work at APU. Maybe as an RD, maybe involved with the journalism students. I don't know the specifics, but I do know that it needs to involve loving on others and helping them grow.

But I know for sure that what I do NOT want out of my life is an office. What I do NOT want out of my life is a routine schedule sitting behind a desk. What I do NOT want out of my life is do anything less than show the people around me how loved and valued they are on a regular basis.

That’s MY kind of job.