Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

I’m frustrated at the weird in-between place my life is right now. There are so many things I want to do, but I can’t do any of them until something else happens, something that is completely out of my control.

I want to go to grad school, but because I want a teaching assistantship, I have to wait until January 2011 to submit new work to George Mason University to be considered. Then I would have to wait until September 2011 to start school. STOP.

I want to buy a house, and I am financially able and ready to do so all on my own… but how do you buy a house on your own when you want to have that “first-home” experience with your husband, and when your husband is actually your current, heel dragging boyfriend of 2 years. STOP.

I want to drop everything and follow the “around the world travelling itinerary” that I made for myself, experience other cultures, get odd jobs and teach English in Japan. But I want to experience it with someone, preferably my current boyfriend, but we agreed we wouldn’t attempt that until we get married… and I have NO idea when THAT’s happening. STOP.

I want to get a dog, but I live in an apartment without insulation, without central air, and without a yard, and I don’t want to move again until I buy a house… which I won’t do until I get married. STOP.

I want to do so many more things like this, but I feel like I am being forced to stop at all of these stop signs, where I just sit alone, waiting for everything else to catch up, and while my friends and family just do nothing more than tap the breaks at every single sign, and continue on. It seems like everyone is moving, getting married, going back to school, taking steps forward in their futures… steps I am willing to take, that I want to take, but I can’t.

And I don’t know how to make it better.

Any suggestions?

Rocking Chairs and Laffy Taffy

I stepped off the plane in Charleston and breathed in the sugary air. I could instantly feel my skin begin to moisten and my arms felt sluggish and sticky, like Laffy Taffy, as I tried to carry all of my bags to the Arrival Gate. The only time I had seen this many trees in one place was when I worked at Hume Lake in the Sequoia National Forest, and that was a forest. These trees were huge, green, leafies, and they were surrounding an airport of all places.

We walked through the terminal quickly, eager to meet our friend Tucker at the exit, but something caught my eye that made me stop for quick moment. Facing the windows that overlooked planes pulling to their gates was a row of rocking chairs. A small giggle escaped from my lips as I observed a couple rocking back and forth, waiting for their loved one to arrive.

I could immediately tell this was going to be not only an exciting vacation, but an interesting one, full of lessons about taking my time and possibly not honking my car horn as much.

We continued on through the rest of the terminal until we reached the Arrival Gate. Tucker pulled up in his car and after exchanging hugs and hellos, I plopped myself in the backseat with the flurry-tailed dogs, who were eager to get in their kisses, too. When Tucker finally pulled away from the airport I rolled down my window to cool myself off a bit, and was hit with sugar air again. I put my arm outside and let the air hit me, and it felt just like sticky, slow, sweet Laffy Taffy.