People-pleasing

As a self-declared people-pleaser, I have a difficult time dealing with people not liking me.

My freshman year, I was a little obnoxious (okay, a lot obnoxious) and I pushed a lot of people away. But after a really amazing and changing summer, I came back to APU a new person. I was finally okay with myself and had relaxed, which allowed me to make deeper friendships.

During my sophomore year, I became good friends with a young man who later revealed to me that I had been kind of overwhelming freshman year. I laughed about it, remembering how out of control I was and wondering how anyone could have put up with me. I secretly asked God to bless the people who had stuck it out with me during that time of my life.

But it made me assume that all of my relational problems had been solved and that I was now someone who could befriend anyone.

Sadly, I have found recently that this is not the case. A few of my relationships over the course of senior year have been struggling. And it is hard to find that there are people you just don’t mesh well with. It is hard to deal with the fact that there are people that you will never understand, and that there are people that will never understand you.

But it is even more difficult to be ok with it.

I have a hard time letting things go. I have a “fix-it” problem. I have a need to fix everything. And for some reason, I fix relationships to death. (Especially with boys, but that is not the focus of this column).

When friendships don’t work, I try to solve whatever it is that needs solving. Sometimes I look inward to see if something I am doing is causing a problem, but sometimes I look outward to see if it is the other person.

More and more, however, I am realizing that sometimes, no matter how much problem-solving I might try, things just don’t work. And I need to be okay with that.

But more than that, I am realizing that not getting along with someone does not mean I am less valuable as a person.

I need to get away from my people-pleasing nature. I need to stop worrying so much about how I am viewed in the eyes of those that surround me.

What I, instead, need to focus on is how I look in God’s eyes. I need to find my acceptance in Him, not in the fleeting validation that comes from searching for it in the eyes of my peers.

Because, when it all comes down to the end, it will be God that judges me, and no one else. It is His approval alone that I should be searching for. In Him, I should find all the validation that I need.