Critiques and Grace

I wonder when it was that people at this school became so critical of each other. I mean, is it really that important to bluntly and rudely critique someone for being imperfect?

I have been going through some really hard stuff in my personal life recently, and I have found that my tolerance level for being told on a regular basis all the ways in which I am living my life incorrectly, and all of the ways I am screwing up, is at a record low. I just can’t handle it right now.

Recently, I decided to go to counseling. I have been kind of depressed and my self-confidence level has just been plummeting. I walk around with my smiley face plastered on sometimes, but most of the time I have just been down, something that is really beginning to hinder my friendships.

And the hard part is that I know all of the reasons why I am acting this way. I am a “people pleaser,” and I can’t be happy unless other people are happy with me, and this all comes back to my “dad issues.”

It is all a bunch of stuff I have always known, but nothing I have tried to work through. I have just tried to work around it, which was really unhealthy.
I am telling you this because I think it is important for us to take a step back and really see a person before we say something that does anything less than build them up.

I can’t tell you how many times over the past month I have had people say some of the meanest, underhanded, snide, rude and unnecessary comments to me. Obviously, some of that stuff comes with my job to a certain extent, but there is a difference between constructive criticism (aka, words that allow someone a chance to grow) and destructive criticism (aka, words that serve no purpose but to make someone feel horrible).

How many times have I made a joke-y, sarcastic remark to a friend when they were having a hard time and I never realized that it really affected them? How often do we kick people when they are already down?

I was smoking on the curb with my friend Jeff and some people we know, and I asked, “Does anyone else realize how critical people are of each other?” And one of the girls sitting with us said something that made me stop and think. She said, “Yea, but I never really saw it until I came to APU.”

Wow.

We need to be more careful. And please notice, I said ‘we,’ not ‘you.’ I am just as guilty of this as every person on this campus, or in the country, or anywhere else.
Just the other night I sat with my friend Jax at Midnight Madness and made fun of the girls that show up at basketball events in short skirts and high heels, wondering if they are showing up to enjoy the best game on the planet (yes, basketball is my favorite) or if they are showing up to get some attention.

We need to pause for a second and think, is this short, snippy email really going to make a difference? Or is it just going to make someone feel like crap? Is saying this little comment to my friend funny? Or is it an underhanded way of demeaning who they are?

As a school, we need to be a better representation of Christ. I need to be a better representation of Christ.

And we all need to start exercising a little bit more grace.