Blocked and Bored with Myself.

I’ve been trying desperately to write something over the past several weeks – anything, really – and I am unable to get out more than a few sentences before I delete them and start over. I’ve done it several dozen times and each time I get more and more stressed. Why can’t I get anything down? I would think to myself. Maybe my ability to write is only forced under pressure.

After playing around with that idea for a while, I thought of something else. Maybe the writing part of my brain has been numbed by all the television and movies and video games that have been seeping into my brain more rampantly than ever. So I picked up Pride & Prejudice and started reading, trying to find a more “literary Jill” than is normally around. I am nearly 20 chapters in and still… nothing.

In fact, this little blog post is the longest cohesive anything I have written in at least a month.

Part of me thinks I never have anything to write about because I never do anything exciting. But even that logic isn’t completely sound. I do a lot of exciting things. I lived in NY for a summer during college, I have taken trips to Vegas, Phoenix, Chicago, Notre Dame and NYC since I graduated, I was walked in on in Vegas, I sang karaoke in Phoenix, I rented my first rental car in Chicago, I saw my first live college football game in Notre Dame, and I took trapeze lessons in NYC. Why can’t I find anything exciting or meaningful to write about? I think I just don’t consider my life to be very exciting or story-worthy, like some of the other people I know. I've never been burgled, arrested, assaulted... I've never had a drug addiction or alcohol problem... I'm not gay, I'm not an extremist and I'm not treated differently because of the color of my skin...I've never been homeless or abused. I don't have any huge stories, any special things to write about. I'm an upper-middle class, white, liberal Christian who grew up in Suburbia. It's hard to find the magic in that.

I realize that I am a perfectionist, so perhaps I have been too hard on myself with the little blurbs I start out with. Instead of deleting the first few sentences because I see no promise, maybe I will just keep going, trying to fill just one whole page. After a few days, maybe an idea will come to me.

Hopefully, it will be something meaningful. J

Accepted!!!!!!!

I received an email from George Mason University mid-week last week. The overall gist is... I'M IN!!!!! I was accepted at GMU!

I was so giddy and couldn't help but cheese-face all day. Somehow, by the grace of God no doubt, I was accepted at my number 2 program. Granted, it is an unfunded position without any teaching experience directly offered to me, but there are so many new and exciting adventures in front of me! Since I can't seem to form a sentence right now, I have instead compiled a list of things going on in my head: Enjoy!

1. There are pedagogy courses available to students even if they are not Teaching Assistants... pro seminars on composition and instruction that would be invaluable to me.
2. Northern Virginia Community College has a great rapport with GMU, and they often hire graduate students to teach intro courses as long as the graduate student has taken 18 or more graduate hours.
3. Several positions become available for students to become Teaching Assistants in their second year, and while they are competitive, they are still available.
4. There are a number fellowships and grants given to students that cover tuition during the second year.
5. A number of grad students obtain substitute teaching positions in local high schools, teaching English, journalism and even creative writing!
6. Many students obtain unpaid positions working as Instructors of Composition for professors in other undergraduate departments at GMU, teaching seminars on structure and tutoring students on source citations, etc.
7. There is a deferral option, which I will most likely take advantage of. If I defer, I can be guaranteed admission next fall (2011) but still submit new writing material and be re-considered for a TA position.

I am still pretty giddy... Danny has been so incredibly supportive of me and my decision making process. He even started looking at jobs in the D.C. area to see what the job hunt situation looks like. He is such an incredible encourager to me and my goals.

Ahhhhhh, that's it for now! I will have more "official" news soon!

Rejection #7

I received a nicely worded rejection from Hollins University this morning. I'm bummed, but I figured it was coming. And as I have decided to reject my admission from Baltimore, my last remaining hope is my wait-list position at George Mason. And I think... I *think*... it just might turn out okay :) Patience.

MFA Catch Up

In NON-MFA news, Anne Lamott is doing a reading in Pasadena from her new book on Wednesday April 14!! I see Anne Lamott as a huge influence on my writing, and I cannot wait to finally get a chance to meet her! J Also, at this very time in 30 days, Danny and I will be on a plane traveling to visit our friends Tucker and Amanda in South Carolina!

In MFA news, I have heard from 8 of the 9 schools I applied to. One school, Hollins University in Roanoke, VA, has still not sent a rejection to me, however I am assuming a rejection as many other people have been accepted to the program already.

I received my official rejection from the University of Arkansas last week. Even after all of the rejections I have received, it still burns. This one was fully expected, but it hurt a little more just because UA is my dad’s alma-mater and I was hoping to be a Razorback like he was, along with the added bonus of living within a few hours of my dad’s family, who I do not know extremely well but who I love more than anything. I would love to experience life with them for once. And my opportunity to do so has been taken away.

In more MFA news, I have officially decided to turn down my offer of admission to the University of Baltimore for several reasons. One being that the communication I have had with the school has been very unpleasant, with little return contact and obvious interdepartmental miscommunications. I have seen how these errors can really damage a student’s experience while obtaining their education, and it is something I am absolutely unwilling to put myself through. The second reason I have decided to turn it down is the lack of teaching opportunities. The career I am pursuing is teaching in the university setting. If I do not obtain the valuable teaching experience that many institutions offer, I am wasting precious opportunities to practice. This would be foolish on my part. The third reason I am turning down my offer at UB is the lack of funding. I am very aware that there are programs out there that offer no funding at all, and that is completely fine. But if I am going to go to a school without any funding, I WANT an excellent departmental communication structure and teaching experience. There is no way I will pay for an education I am not fully behind.

I have decided to reapply next year with what I hope will be stronger writing samples. In the time between now and next January, I am planning on doing the following things to strengthen my applications:

1. Take an English class or two at the local community college to boost my English background, which will hopefully make me more competitive for a teaching assistantship.
2. Study for the GRE and take a GRE prep course to boost my verbal scores.
3. Submit finished works for publication to enhance my résumé.
4. Workshop a brand new piece of writing to submit, that will hopefully be stronger.

I am also planning on doing more research on the schools I will be applying to, going so far as to reading student publications. I have found that many people get rejected from schools simply because they are not a “good fit”… meaning that there isn’t anyone on staff who has the capability to mentor them. So I am going to find writing similar to mine and apply at those programs. I figure, if I get excited about programs that are meant for me, how can I lose? J