Semi-rejection and God Things

Having not heard back from Arkansas, Baltimore, Hollins and Notre Dame, I figured it must be time to get into contact with the 2 schools who have wait-listed me to see how things are moving.

First, George Mason University - The woman I spoke with was very kind, but had no new information and asked that I call back at the end of the week, as there should be more news.

Second, University of North Carolina at Wilmington - I have been in email contact with a woman named Lavonne and she informed me about two weeks ago that she would notify me if there were any changes. I got fidgety, so I emailed her to see if there was any movement on the wait-list, and she promptly emailed me back to let me know it is highly unlikely that an offer of admission will be extended to me, as the group of students who have been admitted seem happy to accept, and I am nowhere near the front of the wait-list. 

I hate rejection. I realize that everyone hates that feeling, so saying "I hate rejection" is like saying "I hate getting punched in the face" - it's pretty much just a given. But the amount of rejection I am getting is overwhelming. And it doesn't help that my boyfriend tells me "I know how you feel" because he has been rejected by girls before. I'm sorry, but this is not the same thing, and he does NOT know how I feel. With relationships, it's a quick pain (or maybe a long one) but it's one time. These girls weren't then showing up at his door saying they weren't interested a few days later, only to remind him of the hurt.

I am getting rejection letters and "we think you have promise, but not as much as all these other people" letters. I have received 3 rejections (now 4, practically) and 1 wait-list.

I WANT GOOD NEWS! I NEED GOOD NEWS! I don't want to sit in this funk anymore... this dreadful grey area... like I have an inability to see the good in anything good. I try to be positive and believe that everything will work out, but it's so hard. And I hate when people say, "If you trust in the Lord there is nothing to worry about." That's bullshit. Of course I trust God for my future. Of course I have faith. But that doesn't mean I can't be pissed off or upset or depressed or feel rejected or worried because I don't know what to do next. I'm not just going to pretend to be happy and "joyful in the Lord" to make all my Christian friends happy. And I'm not going to sit on my ass and not make any decisions because "God is in control." 

Like I said, I don't want to sit in this funk anymore.