Crazies and New York

I lived in New York City this summer. One girl that I became really close with, Jessica, well... things didn't end in any sort of positive way. And my stomach has been sick about it since the day I flew home.

I met Jess the way I meet most people... I hunt them down. I pick someone out and think "he/she looks interesting... I am going to try and be friends." And we did become friends. I somehow managed to pull her out of her little bubble. We would take the subway down to SoHo and eat at Momir's every Sunday night, we trekked all over the city together, went shopping, had a little too much to drink (on a number of occasions), sat in the park for hours and read and laughed and talked about the most randomness things life has to offer.

One of my strengths, however, is 'woo.' For those of you who don't know, people with 'woo' like to meet new peeps, get to know them and then meet new people. Now, don't get me wrong... it's not like friends get less important. There is just an urge there to continue befriending new people. I am never just satisfied with the friendships I have. I always want new ones and exciting ones. I want to meet people who challenge me and make me grow.

Well, this aspect of me did not sit well with Jess. She became extremely possesive, got angry when I made plans with someone else and basically cried to me one day because I was the only friend she had and I wasn't there enough for her.

Lets be honest... I freaked. I started spending a lot of time alone and at work. And during my free time, I was hanging out with my gay friend Michael or cooling off in the library reading. I just needed a little space. We had gone from hanging out after class to hanging out all day every day whenever we weren't in class or I wasn't at work. TOO MUCH! I cannot handle that much of one person.

After about 2-3 weeks of being missing, I called her up to see how she was doing. She was rude and got off the phone quickly. About a week later, I decided to see if she was reading where she and I normally hung out in Washington Square Park. SHE WAS! So I sat down and started chatting. But something was different. She was extremely cold and blocked off. After about 15 minutes, her walls broke down again, and everything seemed back to normal. I told her I was going out of town for the weekend to Boston, but we should hang out when I get back.

Reader's Digest Version: She called me 2 times when I she knew I was in Boston. I called her when I got back to see if we could make dinner plans before I moved back to Cali. She called me 3 times (within 1 hour). Then sent me a text saying "Never mind have a safe trip home." That is how it ended.

And I don't understand why I am still unsettled about it. Maybe it is because I knew she had emotional problems but didn't try to understand them better. Maybe it is because I knew at one moment that I needed a break from her when all she really needed was someone to love her. Maybe it is just because I am a person who needs closure. But I am still sick about it. I called her this morning to see how she was doing and she didn't answer. I hope she is doing okay.